My Clothes Are Trying To Kill Me

It’s Friday people! And the eager anticipation for the weekend is positively crackling in the air. Thoughts of fizz and breakfast in bed are beginning to swim in my mind. Yes, today is a good day.

Unless you’re reading this post on a Monday, in which case my heart goes out to you (and me) 😕

In fact, I wish this last week had been half as positive as today has been. But it would seem that my clothes are trying to kill me. Maybe they are rebelling. Maybe, after being shoved into boxes, piled in a heap on a boat and then stuffed into a tiny wardrobe, they have decided to fight back. And in such interesting and unique ways. For instance:

When clothes go bad | My clothes are trying to kill me | funny posts about life from The Barefaced Chic
  • On Saturday a thread of a hand-knitted jumper that I have owned FOREVER decided to loop itself around a hook in the bathroom. I had created the giant equivalent of a cat’s cradle around two rooms of the house before I noticed. This caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and a bit of laughter. Well it’s not every day you create modern art in your own living room. I’m a bit sad now that I didn’t ‘story it on Instagram’.
  • On Sunday a necklace, which had decided to tangle itself into an intricate web of painfulness with my hair, snapped. But not before making damn sure that I would take the next half an hour (no exaggeration) detangling the wire, that had held the literally hundreds of beads, from my locks. I am STILL finding tiny beads in the most bizarre of places. The fridge for instance 😳
  • On Monday the scarf I was wearing managed to get slammed inside a car door. Now if I had been inside the car at the time this would have been a minor inconvenience. However, I was attempting to extricate myself safely and swiftly onto a fairly busy road so that my driver (aka Mr Chic) could drive off and find a parking space. What followed was a few second of sheer panic as the car drove off taking me with it. Death by scarf is not really the way I want to go!
  • On Wednesday (my clothes decided to give me a day off on Tuesday. Probably to lull me into a false sense of security) I zipped my own neck into my jacket. Yep, I actually managed to squeeze the teeniest amount of flesh between its unforgiving teeth. And I’m not sure what hurt the most, the initial zip up, or the eye-wateringly painful zip down.
  • On Thursday I tried on a new top which, it has to be said, was a tad too small. It was one of those tops with about a million different straps – the kind which demands you have a degree in dressing yourself before attempting to put it on. Being degree-less I failed – miserably. I found myself firmly and inextricably stuck. It took Mr Chic a good ten minutes to release me – because I had forced my head into the sleeve! The sleeve I tell you!

So that’s two items of clothing that have tried to strangle me in one week. See, I rest my case, my clothes ARE trying to kill me.

As for today, so far so good. Although I ditched the high heels I was going to wear to a meeting in favour of flats. And as for my metal spike encrusted bracelet – yeah, that’s best kept for another week.

Catch you in the next post, as long I can outwit my clothing.


  1. Melanie
    October 21, 2016 / 6:20 pm

    I’d go naked if I were you

  2. Charli
    October 21, 2016 / 7:07 pm

    I’m almost positive that this must be a record number of something somewhere! 🙂

  3. shellbell
    October 22, 2016 / 11:07 am

    V funny! You gave me a good laugh. I have a couple of tops I struggle with, and putting on my high impact sports bra is like doing origami with your eyes shut. Hope you survive the next week.

  4. October 22, 2016 / 3:31 pm

    Wet myself laughing at the image of you running along side the car attached by killer scarf (soz) but then grimaced & audibly ouched at the neck in zip scenario!
    Classic, bloody classic.

    • October 24, 2016 / 12:11 pm

      I was only thinking a few weeks ago that the older I’m getting the less clumsy I seem to be. Yeah, I might have to rethink that! My neck is still recovering, it looks like a love bite

  5. October 30, 2016 / 4:30 pm

    Very funny! Got my skull and black tinsel scarf caught in the door at a party last night, seen by loads of people who thought it was hysterical to see the old witch nearly strangle herself, so I feel your pain!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.