Despite my determination to live as stress-free, awesome a life as possible, sometimes life throws me a curveball that simply knocks me off my feet; and over the last few weeks the balls that have been hurled in my direction have hit me square between the eyes.
In fact, I was so knocked for six that I kind of went a bit quiet on the whole internets, which worried some of you enough to contact me to enquire if I was still walking this mortal coil. Now me going quiet because I’m having a blogging break, or technical issues is not unheard of. Nope, what worried some of you was the fact that during my last vlog Andrew and I took a nasty tumble down a particularly steep set of steps. My announcement at the end of the vlog that, “if all goes quiet on the blog and vlog, you’ll know why”, followed by my prompt disappearance had my inbox filling up with queries about our health. I am so, so sorry to have worried you – though it’s wonderful to know that you care. 😘
The truth of the matter is that I did, indeed, end up in hospital but not because of the fall. For over a year now I have had problems with my stomach. It starts with a general feeling of unwellness followed by excruciating pains and then, well then I vomit continuously for around five to six hours. Not a lot of fun, and I’m still undergoing tests to try and determine the cause.
The day after our fall I had a pretty bad bout and, because it was slightly different than normal and I was a bit worried that I had caused some kind of tummy injury during my fall, I staggered (literally) into casualty.
We’re still no further forward in working out why I seem to become possessed by demons every few months so further tests are on the cards. However my examination did throw up another issue. I had a chest X-ray and as he looked at the results the doctors whistled through his teeth (never a good sign when said whistle is performed by doctors or plumbers), and announced that I HAD to give up smoking. Now this is more than a bit of a worry because I have never smoked in my life, nor worked or socialised in smokey atmospheres. How on earth I ended up with the lungs of a heavy smoker is beyond me – definitely more investigation needed!
We have also had to deal with the stress and worry of a close family member being very poorly. The woods now seem to have been left behind us, but we’re still anxious and have put our work and social lives on hold in order to be on hand.
Now all this is messy, but life can be messy – not one person on this planet has a life that is perfect. Sometimes we just have to keep pushing forward and wade our way through the rubbish that’s thrown at us. It’s unpredictable, it’s unfortunate and it’s stressful; but it’s life and I am determined to live mine to the full, despite the tough times.
Yes, the tough times I can deal with. The tough times are inevitable. The tough times flow into our lives like waves upon the shore, and just as predictably flow away again.
What has floored me is the toxicity in my life at the moment.
Now I’m not going to go into detail, suffice it to say that there has been quite a bit of toxicity in my life lately. All of it undeserved and rather nasty.
I believe myself to be a decent person, and I am finding it incredibly difficult understanding and dealing with the rubbish that has been thrown at both Andrew and myself.
The only thing that we can do to relieve the pressure is to remove the person in question from both our lives. It’s going to be complicated and, no doubt, messy. But we are left with absolutely no choice.
It’s such a shame that we are left wondering how to move forward simply due to the bad behaviour of one person.
But there you go, that’s life, and we are determined to live ours to the full – despite the seemingly equal determination emanating towards us with equal force that we should not.
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So my days and nights have been filled with, “What nows?” How do we move forward from the blows?
It’s a tough one. We’ll get there but, at least for the time being, we have our hands both literally and metaphorically full. So if I seem to have lost my sparkle, do bear with me. I absolutely WILL be back on form soon. There is no way I am going to let toxicity interrupt my life for very long.
Yes, normal (slightly demented) service will be resumed shortly!!
Please don’t think I’ve written this post to elicit sympathy. When I started this blog and launched my vlog I wanted to share both the good and the bad times in my life. I simply felt that your genuine concern needed addressing and there was no way of doing that without letting you know the bones of what is going on.
If you are having issues dealing with toxicity, are struggling with ill-health or simply want to vent. Do leave a comment below and we’ll throw a bit of support at each other.